Finally Free


I have sat here alone with thoughts of you spontaneously drifting,

Floating through my mind.

I have finally been forced by my own heart and spirit,

To face what I have ignored.

Feelings bubbling to the surface,

Silent tears form.

Releasing all the hurt and pain,

That I have stored.

I have spent too long trying to be angry,

Too much time trying to hate you for leaving.

My mind understood your reasoning,

My heart felt a bullet,

Shards of shrapnel piercing the tender spots.

I have spent months saying I was finished,

Saying that I had forgiven,

Insisting that I moved on.

I find ignoring those feelings easy,

When you are out of sight and out of mind.

Then suddenly you reappeared on the outskirts of my life.

The tears and spontaneous thoughts cause me to finally admit,

I am not angry, nor upset.

I only find it harder to say,

That I still love you.

Now that my internal battle is complete,

I can tuck away these words

And finally be free.

No longer will they be lodged in the back my mind

Haunting the background of my life.

Finally letting go of our possibilities,

Putting to rest our past,

To that chapter of our history,

I can say goodbye at last.

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Ease The Slack


With every moment

Hour

Day

I contemplate

On what I said

What I did

 

What was I expecting?

For what

Was I hoping?

 

Was it

For the magic

To continue?

For it to grow?

 

Second thoughts

Giving

My mind a row

Tumbling through

Ego talking

Like it knows

 

Freezing my heart

I left on my sleeve

Looking

For a little warmth

Just a hug

To ease some slack

On this rope

Tied from mind to heart

As this

Possible future

And Past hurt

Tug of war

Wages on

 

 

**This was originally written on 6-26-2011**

Tug Of War


The question

Plays

On my mind

Should I

Have said

Anything

At all

That night?

The fear

Regret

Taking turns

Eclipsing

My hopes

The glitter

Of a promising

Potential

Dusted

With the diamonds

From

A dreaming heart

Occasionally

Over Shadowed

Fears taking over

The unknown

Feeling so

Overwhelming

A tug of war

Pulled and stretched

Fear pulling

Tempting me 

To just

Rebuild that wall

To close 

That bridge

And just

Just

Walk away

Yet

Anchored

In this

Tug of war

Is a heart

That bats

Away

Fighting the fears

Healing the past

For it knows

If it holds on

This is the one

That will last

Doubt


In a moment of doubt

I lose sight

Of the beauty

In my life

Magic moments

Lose their shine

Hidden behind the haze

Of my fearful gaze

I wander lost

Moving through the debris

Of shattered hearts

And broken dreams

Hesitation burns

Cutting

Then scarring with each word

Step through the turmoil

Inner conflict ensued

Battle logic

With intuition

Fighting for balance

Praying to never lose

My own worst enemy

Allergic to light

Ego feeding

Off my doubt and fright

Fall


Catch your breathe

Take another Step

Find that feeling

You will never forget

Fire in his eyes

Ice in his touch

The fluid sensation

You crave so much

Moving along

Liquid

Through stone walls

Doing your best

To savor the moment

Praying

Hoping

That with this one

You can finally surrender

And Let yourself fall

In This Moment


In this moment

My heart and head collide

Causing inner turmoil and strife

In that moment

I thought I loved you

Wanted you

Needed you

Then I found you

The hidden you

A person I don’t know

Don’t love

~~~~~~~~~~~

In this moment

Of turmoil and strife

My head wants routine

This life I’ve come to live

With a person I no longer know

My head rationalizes

My reasons to stay

Here with you

Unhappily married

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this moment

Of turmoil and strife

My heart pushes and prods

My soul to fight

To live with a smile

In the arms

For which it yearns

To hold on to the magic

My heart thought was lost

The love

For which it truly sought

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this moment

Where my head and heart collide

I must do my best

To make the turmoil subside

Do I stay with what I’ve always know?

Or do I fight for the love I deserve?

Dance Along The Edge


Stand tall

Walk along

The edge

Of my stone walls

That barricade

Protecting my heart.

Balance along with each step

To keep this connection

I have with you

Balance along with each step

To keep the distance

So I can keep

From being broken again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dance around the edge

With each touch

With each kiss

Then a scar

With a phantom tear

Stands waiting

Like a guard

For the glass slipper

To shatter

In your hands

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sneak a peak

Over the edge

At what I am feeling

In my heart

Not my head

Such an internal dilemma

Some things I know for sure

Others play a game

Tugging at logic

Then hitting on emotion

Then disappearing again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stare

Over the edge

At a pool

So still

So deep

I know it would take a true man

Not just a boyfriend

To swim these depths.

Emotion

So raw

So intense

Ready for the right person

Loyalty unwavering

For the right person

~~~~~~~~

Sitting on the edge

Light a cigarette

Contemplate

If I should fall

Just yet

For matters of the heart

The soul

Are a dangerous game to play

~~~~~~~~~~

So here I am

On the edge

There you are

Your voice playing a tune

Calling to me

Yet when I turn

You are nowhere to be seen

Then below I see

There you stand waiting

~~~~~~~~~

A fragile choice to make

To take a leap

The Most important question of all

If I Fall

Will you catch me?